Bad Parent Syndrome

Bad Parent Syndrome

In trying to get a diagnosis and help for my children I ended up also under the scrutiny of the different places I sought help from. It seems if you have special needs children people assume it must be because of something you are doing. I thought our world had moved past the ignorance of thinking kids had autism because of refrigerator mom’s but in many ways much of society is stuck in ignorance.

I had a teacher tell my son that if he didn’t watch so much television his brain would have developed properly and he wouldn’t have Aspergers. Little did she know that he didn’t like watching television. He found television too intense a form of media. She made an assumption based on her own beliefs and applied it to him.

The same teacher told him that she had watched a show on television that suggested the number of kids with autism was on the rise because of the lack of physical exercise. She said she believed that based on the information that he could get rid of his autism through exercise.

That afternoon he ran nonstop, until he became ill. I asked him why he had pushed himself so hard and he told me what she had said. He said “Mom I thought maybe I could make it go away.” I went on line and watched the show she had watched. What I saw didn’t match with what she told him. She had let her judgments and pre-conceived notions filter that television program in an inappropriate way.

When I spoke to the teacher she admitted that she had said these things to him. She said she thought he shouldn't have taken what she had said so literally. I reminded her that as a qualified resource teacher she should be aware of the literal interpretation of language by kids on the spectrum.

I also ended up being investigated by CAS because of someone lack of understanding of Ash’s meltdowns and behaviour. Children on the spectrum have meltdowns and behavior that is different from other kids. Their meltdowns have nothing to do with bad parenting. The child is feeling over stimulated and needs to vent and they often can’t control themselves during these times.

Parents of special needs children have to work harder than any other parent. Their children have more appointments, more learning and dietary challenges, and require more assistance for daily living. Their children may not behave the way everyone expects but that doesn’t mean the parent hasn’t put the effort in. I have babysitters who have come to my house and after a few hours of babysitting wonder how I do what I do.

The Bible teaches that one should take the log out of their own eye before they comment on the speck in their friends eye. It has been my experience that the logs have caused blindness in many individuals.